However, this article, by Charles M. Blow, while it cites some interesting studies, includes several claims that I found both offensive and just plain weird. (As a sidenote, is it immature of me to be amused by the fact that this guy's last name is "Blow"?)
First of all, Mr. Blow (heh) asserts that, "When I first heard about hooking up years ago, I figured that it was a fad that would soon fizzle. I was wrong. It seems to be becoming the norm." Seriously? Are you trying to tell me that earlier generations didn't have meaningless sex? Granted, I haven't done extensive historical reasearch on the subject, but I somehow doubt my generation invented this concept. Alcohol existed in the past. College existed in the past. Hormones existed in the past. Logically, this seems like a recipe for sex, no? Am I just incapable of looking outside of my particular historical perspective, or is Mr. Blow being a little naive?
But then it gets worse. Listing the cons of this "strange culture" (Mr. Blow's words, here), he states, "Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse." Did you hear that, boys? All girls just want to get married! It's all they think about! Women only have sex to get that ring on their finger! ...Are you kidding me with this bullshit?
And just to wrap it up, the article concludes with a little dash of shaming and moralizing:
That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.
It used to be that “you were trained your whole life to date,” said Ms. Bogle. “Now we’ve lost that ability — the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them.”
Now that’s sad.
...Wow. Damn that collapse of advanced planning. If I had been planning better, I might be hitched already! But I just spent all my college years gaining an education--and I let all those available mens slip right through my fingers! Oh wait, no. I'm pretty sure I was planning for a career... guess that doesn't count.
In addition, why exactly is it a positive thing for people to be trained their whole lives to date? You know what that training consists of? Reinscribing gender roles. Teaching women that "he won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free," so it's their responsibility to make sure they "get" commitment before they "give up" their virginity. Teaching men that they need to buy women's attention by paying for dinner or getting them gifts. And a whole lot of other outdated baggage that I, for one, am not too sad about jettisoning.
Finally, I'm gonna need to take issue with the entire premise of dating as Professor Bogle describes it. Does anybody else think that the notion of "just ask someone out and get to know them"... but with the long term plan of having sex with them, maybe, after an appropriate number of dates, and hopefully we can get married someday, if all goes as planned!... is rather odd? Why should we feel the need to obsessively define romantic relationships in a way that we're hardly ever required to define friendships? This article points out that most hooking up occurs between friends. While Blow & Bogle seem to believe that this is a sign of deteriorating social skills and "relaxing values," maybe our generation is just rebelling against the prescribed progression of relationships. Maybe friendship first, then sex, then possibly romance (rather than romance, then sex, then hopefully friendship) isn't the worst way to go.
The article does point out one major downside to hook-up culture that I agree with: increased risk of sexual assault "because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol." True, and sad. However, what about hooking up that does not take place in a tequila-soaked haze? Perhaps we can read this as not just "sheer momentum," but a deliberate refusal of the romantic fantasy that popular culture forcefeeds us.
Or do you think that everybody is actually just drunk and horny?
